The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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