She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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