Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
