thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
