Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
