look no pants
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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