I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
