trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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