mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
pop tarts are not kleenex
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Randomize
