***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
