Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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