I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
