I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
