White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
