it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
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