I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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