the condom got lost in my hair
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
My liver just had a heart attack.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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