so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
