If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Found your dick twin last night
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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