actually, I'm a sock model
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just invented taco cereal.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
