When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
