I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
