why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
