The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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