I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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