We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
