In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
