I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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