all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
