NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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