I like my sex mixed with concussions.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
