sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
