Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
