My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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