We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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