Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
