Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
