Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
