His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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