Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
the day after is always just damage control
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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