I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize