you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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