its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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