can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
