I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
