did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Randomize
