Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
