is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
