Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Randomize
