I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Randomize
