tell your sister to shave her snatch
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My dad just said "fuck circus"
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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