She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
How external is "for external use only"?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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