I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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