It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
