My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
